All Swine, All the Time

A couple of pieces of news emerged today.

"If you've got the flu, you've almost certainly got swine flu."
The data, taken from 89 clinics participating in Victoria's sentinel surveillance system, showed the proportion of people with influenza who tested positive for swine flu increased from zero during the last week of April to 60 per cent during the last week of May, to 99 per cent in the last week of June.

And

Swine flu 'may spread through summer months'

Long story short. Swine flu is here to stay. Deal with it.

But before I close that chapter, a train of thought burrowed into my mind.

Let me lay out my assumptions and logic.

1) Swine flu started as a flu from pigs (allegedly)
2) If a person originates from China, and travels to Jamaica, they're still Chinese.
3) Using logic from line 2, applied to line 1, Swine Flu is pig in flu virus form.
4) Consuming pork is against the Jewish and Muslim faiths.
5) The primary form of catching swine flu is through absorbing the flu virus, ergo, it's been 'consumed'.

So the obvious question is, does a muslim or jew who catches swine flu get in trouble with the big guy upstairs ?

Turns out, I wasn't the only one thinking about it.

So I guess the final answer could be along the lines of "If you intentionally try to get Swine Flu (ala Chicken Pox parties), then you have intentionally consumed pork and forfeit your entry pass into your respective divine afterlife"

And the parting thought... the safest anti-terrorism tactic, could actually be GETTING SWINE FLU!

Think about it this way.

SB1: Let's go blow up the infidels. I hunger for my 72 virgins and assorted rewards
SB2: Wait! *reading newspaper* The infidels have swine flu!
SB1: So what ? We put them down and die gloriously!
SB2: What if WE get swine flu ?
SB1: Are you afraid of a few sniffles SB2 ? Eternal Glory awaits!
SB2: You are not thinking straight SB1, if you get swine flu, just before you blow yourself up, you may not enter paradise!
SB1: Yes. You are right. Let's braid our beards and go crusing on our new open-top camels* instead.

*Apologies to the camel community for implying associations with suicide bombers.